Part 13

I decided that I would ask him some other time when I would be okay with discussing my own situation with my real parents and the monster that was constantly screaming at me. I also figured that it would be quite a long time before I was ready to talk about those things. I knew my whole life that I would need to tell someone, I would need to trust someone enough to tell them my darkest secrets, I just hadn’t found that person yet.

Then I suddenly realized the whole time I had been with Adam, the monster had fallen silent. I hadn’t heard its screams since the night before when Adam came to pick me up for our amazing date. Did it all mean something? Or was it just some strange coincidence that the monster became silent only when I was with Adam after it had been screaming non-stop for sixteen and a half years. I highly doubted it, but I was willing to try to believe it to avoid thinking too much about what it could mean. It was all too much for me to think about on any given day, I thought it would be easier to just ignore it all. If only I could. It did feel nice to wake up without a brain scattering headache though.

Adam’s eyes looked a little glazed over when I looked up at him, almost like he was somewhere far away in his mind, not in his chic apartment with me. He also looked as if he was in a great deal of pain wherever he was. It frightened me a little to be honest, it was horrific to see the look on his face. I could tell whatever he was experiencing in his mind was not pleasant. I wanted to bring him away from that place (wherever it was), and make it all go away for him. I wanted to bring him back to his apartment, bring him back to me and away from the pain. Only think was I didn’t know if I could. Or if I even should for that matter. Before I could make a solid decision he snapped out of it and apologized for drifting off into “space” as he called it.

After Adam finished his delicious eggs and put our dishes in the dish washer we went into his living room to talked for a while. It was nice. Talking to him I mean. We didn’t have to talk about anything in particular yet to me it still felt like it was the most interesting and deep conversation I’d ever had. I felt like every time I looked him directly in the eyes when we were talking, our souls connected. I’d never felt that with anyone else. It was an amazing feeling. It was as if I could know everything about him all at once, when really I didn’t know that much about him at all. The feelings I was feeling for him were starting to scare me. But I didn’t want them to go away, quite the opposite.

Is that something that happens to people of the human race often?  When they are afraid of something, they feel the need to make it as close to them as emotionally possible. Forcing it into their thoughts every waking moment, seeing it in their dreams. Not realizing that their fear is like warning signs. It just so happens that we don’t see the warning signs. We just keep driving, faster and faster towards the edge of the cliff and when the drop becomes a reality, our fear reappears and we see the error in our ways, we swear we will never make the mistake again if we are given one more chance. Seems it happened to me a lot. I guess now I wish it hadn’t happened so much.

I looked away from Adam for a few seconds only to see a huge passenger plane come flying too fast towards the landing strip on an angle that looked anything but safe. I closed my eyes while it spent its last few seconds in the air and when I opened my eyes, the plane hit the pavement. My heart stopped as I sucked in a breath, and it seemed as if it could be my last. But soon I exhaled and continued to watch the plane. The heat was too much for it and it burst into flames. Fuel tanks ablaze, and fire spreading rapidly. I was so shocked I couldn’t’ speak, or look away for that matter. Flames shot up and out in every direction, pieces of paint from the plane settled on the ground along with ash. Lots of people who worked at the airport started pouring out of the building and all of them rushed at the wreck from different directions. Every single person there seemed to be trying to put out the flaming mess, but sadly with little success. I felt so useless sitting there on Adam’s couch. Wishing I could do something about the horror below made it impossible to look away from it.

Adam must have sensed the atmosphere in the room change and asked me if I was alright. I looked back out the window again, someone must have called the emergency services. Police were there as were fire trucks and ambulances. I saw some people being carried away on stretchers, some talking to the men taking them away and others completely unconscious. I saw a few people on oxygen already and some in neck braces. The charred black bodies the men weren’t taking with them were being put into body bags, to later be identified so their families would be able to grieve their loss. I knew full well that I would have to watch the news that night to hear the lists of survivors, severely injured/in critical condition, and the deceased. It is depressing, but I saw the accident happen, I felt as if it was a duty of mine to find these things out. It was something I felt I had to do.

After a few minutes of staring out the window again, I answered Adam and told him I was fine. Little did I know it wouldn’t last too long.